is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
