I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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