I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
