The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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