Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
