Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
