Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
