if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
