I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize