I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
