if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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