She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
