you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
