I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
