on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
