someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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