she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
