Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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