yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
