so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
