It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
