So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
