My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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