Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
