sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
ttyl tear gas
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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