sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
