I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
