we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize