You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
