Do you still have your period?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
