Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
