She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize