i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
