You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize