Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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