Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
