maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize