i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
