Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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