i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
