Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
