My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
