Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
