I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
