I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
