why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
