Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
