I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize