Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
