I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
