Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
