Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
