Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
