i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize