Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
