Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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