genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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