if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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