My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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