can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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