ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
