It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
