Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
